Science-y sport stuff!

Give me an O! O! Give me a U! U! Give me a... oh wait, that's it actually. I am officially an Open University student and I'm strangely excited about it. It's been almost 6 years since I last did any form of studying but I think I'm ready to get back on the bike. At least I hope it's a bike, if it's a horse then I'm doomed because I never learnt to ride one of them.

I made the decision not to dive headlong into one of the 9 month courses. That was my mistake 6 years ago which led to my M.E. enforced withdrawal from the OU after only a couple of months. Instead I am doing what they call an Openings course. It's only 5 months, with less pressure and more focus on getting back into studying, both practically and mentally. There are a wide variety of Openings subjects available but I have chosen this one.

Sport! Woohoo! I honestly think that this course was actually created for me! I'm particularly excited about the science-y aspect of it (although I don't think they'll be too impressed if I use the word 'science-y' in any of my assignments). I have a huge gap in my general knowledge where science should be. Having to leave school at 13 meant that my science education stopped right there. Although I managed to get English and Maths GCSEs and an Economics A-level, they aren't much use when it comes to explaining why plants are green or the moon can sometimes be seen during the day. Actually, I know that the green plant thing is chlorophyll (but I did have to stop myself from writing chloroform just then!). Now I'm not saying that a sports course is going to help me out with those scientific conundrums in particular, but it should be nice and informative about the biology of the body and nutrition etc.

Here's hoping that this is the start of an exciting scientific odyssey!

Beam me up Scotty

Attention scientists!

Any chance of an update on the teleporting situation? I was under the impression that it would only be a matter of weeks until you would be able to report an astonishing breakthrough in the field of 'getting a person to somewhere else in the world without using a vehicle'.

It is not only I awaiting this great invention. My beloved sister is also hanging her hopes on it, although her desired destination is somewhat farther afield than my own. She wants to travel 4000 miles to Ohio. I just want to go into town without having to parallel park.

I experienced a rather frustrating morning a couple of days ago. I decided to drive into town knowing that I had a few errands to run, all of which were in roughly the same place. The shop I needed to visit is not well placed for parking but there is usually a space just outside (albeit double yellow-lined - no problem with a blue badge!). However on this particular day a van had decided to deposit itself there. I'm 99.99% sure that said van was not displaying a blue badge. But not to worry, I carried on down the road and spotted a disabled space. My delight was short lived as the car in front of me nabbed it. Grrr. Fine, I shall go to the library and then return to a host of spaces. Not so much a case of wishful thinking as a delusional episode. Following my trip to the library the van was still there, a disabled space was once again available and once again filled by the car just in front of me. Adding insult to injury there was then a space available but only to someone who can parallel park. I haven't done that successfully since my test over a year ago and instinctively knew that that wasn't likely to change without practice. So I headed home with only a couple of library books to show for my effort.

Do you now understand the need for a speedy solution? Teleporting is the answer. I've said it before and I'll say it again. There will be no need to hand out the ability right, left and centre. I propose that blue badge holders be automatically awarded teleport licenses and that other members of the population be able to apply for limited teleport status in specific circumstances. Gordon Brown has had a rough time of it lately. I really think that if he were to announce a well-funded research and development programme into teleportation, it would turn public opinion back in his favour!

Confessions of a Ridiculous Mind

Whilst watching Michael Palin drive a steam train around Poland yesterday my mum uttered the immortal words, "Do you use a steering wheel to drive a train?" Ah mum. How I love her. This is also the woman who confused Bruce Willis with Bruce Lee. No mum, Bruce Willis isn't a dead martial arts expert and that isn't Bruce Lee running around Nakatomi Plaza out-witting Alan Rickman.

Sadly this tendancy of revealing a lack of understanding on certain matters (it's actually a rather sweet combination of naivety, innocence and ignorance) appears to be genetic. For years I thought that there were A LOT of Wombles in Wimbledon. I still maintain that error was the fault of whomsoever was hired to sing the theme tune. Think back will you? #...the Wombles of Wimbledon (singer takes breath), Common are we...# You see my problem? Either there are a vast number of them or they all speak Estuary English.

My biggest clanger came during a game of Absolute Balderdash. Evidently I had left my brain at the door that day because when tasked with inventing a feasible plot line for a film of which I had only the title, I somehow stumbled onto the brilliant idea of astronauts going to the moon and diving in the Sea of Tranquility. I was very proud of myself and certain I was destined to get a few points out of my clever story. That is until it was pointed out that the Sea of Tranquility is not exactly a sea and to the hilarity of many present I was left sadly trying to defend my theory of water on the moon. Not my finest hour.

I do a great line in misheard lyrics too. But perhaps that had best wait for another day. I can only take so much embarrassment at a time.